to study or not to study

My parents have been texting me (since last week) advising me to apply for a post-graduate DOST scholarship. My first reaction to my mother's first text was, "Heck, NO!"...but of course, I can't tell them that. Instead, I told them I'd look into it. I didn't, naturally.

It's not that I don't want a scholarship. I have dreamed of a graduate scholarship. It's just off timing. Now is just either a little too late or a little too early. This should have been available when I needed it for my MCS. Now that I just graduated MCS without any help from the government (financially) and after spending my everything just to finish, it's a little too early to think of studying again. I'm just tired. Now is break.

While I know that opportunities such as this knocks only once, I'm still not keen on grabbing it. I don't dwell on missed opportunities anyway. I make the best of what is here now. So if it's still there when the time comes that I'll be interested to grab it, then good. If it's not, that's fine too.

I know my parents are only asking me to apply. It's not a definite acceptance yet. But still, if ever I get accepted I'm sure there will be too much pressure to go on with studying further and though I don't want to study yet I'd be forced to. Last thing I need right now is more pressure in my already pressured existence.

Besides, I'm afraid of trying to get a higher degree. It wouldn't make sense to pursue another masters degree, so if further study is on my mind it would definitely a doctorate degree. Yikes! I'm totally not ready for that. To be a doctor of philosophy in the field would mean to make a real contribution to the body of knowledge. I just know I can't contribute much and so I won't be worthy of the PhD title. To be worthy is to study all the time, do research, be an expert...I'd be a total freak before I can actually do that. Even if I won't work while studying, that's just more than work and the pressure is just a lot higher. So...no thanks, I'll pass.